◢ Pearls of Wisdom: From My Dear Friend Kristin
Texting is like blow jobs. It’s impersonal and you can do it with anyone.
posted:1 month ago, 0 notes
Texting is like blow jobs. It’s impersonal and you can do it with anyone.
Reactions react:
“The nucleophile can’t attack vinylic [carbons] because there’s this pancake… no, this McDouble of electron density.”
There’s such a thing as too much honesty:
Student: “I can’t stay long, I have sax practice.”
“Wait, wait, wait. You did say sax, didn’t you? ‘Cause..”
Student: “No, Dan! I don’t go to sex practices! And if I did I wouldn’t tell you about them.”
“What?! I thought our OChem class was all about honesty!”
NMR:
“It’s like trying to read Sanskrit, I know.”
Dan’s not exactly the best artist:
“I’m gonna draw [diethyl ether] like this ‘cause it looks like Batman.”
“This compound equals fiery death! I’ll draw fire… no, that looks like a #1 glove..”
“That’s not a nervous tick, that’s just ethane.”
Fun with multiple-choice quizzes:
“Choose the best answer that describes the relationship of these two [functional] groups coming off the ring.
d. One group is a dinosaur”“What color was the water?
a. blue
b. blue”
Ab-sence (ba dum tssh!):
“I was helping a friend move an engine into their car and the mount slipped while I was gripped onto it. It tore an abdominal muscle, which needs to be repaired. [The surgery] should be relatively straightforward. If I die, whoever gets the highest score on the homework can have my stuff.”
Chirality:
“Just because you have a mirror image doesn’t mean you are a chiral center. Everything has a mirror image — except vampires.”
“I’m gonna wipe your face on the concrete!”
“Lick a dick!”
“Shut up, you cunt bitch!”
“Why won’t that bitch just follow me on Twitter?”
“Did I tell you the story of my co-worker’s aunt who got spermed in the face by a horse? ‘Cause that’s a great story.”
“Don’t you dare delete my novela! I will come to your house, go to your backyard, break through your window and punch you in the balls, baby. Don’t think I won’t.”
Eloquent as always, Claire.
“You might get a girl and she may not look good, but you just gotta throw a flag over her face and take one for America.”
Debating the spelling of ‘exergonic’:
“I don’t know if it’s an ‘e’ or an ‘o’ like the exorcist.”
Student: “It’s an ‘e’.”
“Oh. That’s too bad.”
Yeah, thanks Dan:
“Yeah, global warming’s my fault; but I’m not gonna stop eating Big Macs.”
Solving for pH using logs:
“You do the negative log of whatever you’re ‘p’ing here” *laughs* “…don’t laugh at that.”
Endothermic Reactions in Cooking:
“It doesn’t matter if my bread requires 20° of heat or 400°! …actually, I think I just burnt my bread.”
In the lab:
“Don’t stick your hand in that. It’ll hurt.”
“Wear goggles. If I splash this in your eye you’ll go blind.”
“Don’t drink this. It will kill you.”
(Thank you Captain Obvious!)
About the ACS test and the pros of random guessing over trying to answer every question while under time constraints:
“…at which point your own intellect would get in the way of your progress.”
On the subject of how Tums and marble are primarily composed of the same compound (CaCO3):
“So, say you have a stomach ache and you’re out of Tums, you can just take a bite out of your counter top.”
