abookwormcalledellie:

thewafflemonster:

You know how there’s a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way.

Does that mean colour is like

a pigment of your imagination.

YOU FUCKING DIDN’T

homoofspace:

homoofspace:

what was the demon arrested for?

possession 

matturday:

so I ended my english presentation with “these fatal flaws brought macbeth to his macdeath” and at least 60% of the class groaned

brainbowunicorn:

sucha-retardis:

sucha-retardis:

what’s the best thing about living in switzerland

well the flag is a big plus

(Source: hit-an-alltimelow)

captorihardlyknowher:

count-vulvula:

thedivingboard:

russia coming 15 minutes late to the 1917 revolution holding a tsarbucks

15 minutes late they clearly weren’t

russian

looks like they were

stalin

allons-yasshole:

deodrant:

i was never good at geography 

not with that latitude

saranghaeee-:

surejohn221b:

ernoji:

a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender says “sorry we dont serve your kind here” so the string goes outside twists himself round and ruffles up one of his ends then walks back into the bar, the bartender says “aren’t you the piece of string i just kicked out?” the string then replies “i’m a frayed knot”

NOPE I QUIT I QUIT THE INTERNET

HAHAHAHAHA

doctor: nurse, what's the status of the boy who swallowed all those quarters?
nurse: still no change, sir.

sophielizard99:

i just really love ohm puns you don’t understand

Have I told you about Bessy, the claravoyant cow?

Not only could she see into the future, but she could see into the pasture too!

isaaclaheyfeels:

impostoradult:

peckishmoon:

turntechgoddamnit:

Man, if Satan ever starts losing his hair there will be Hell toupée

I think this may actually be the worst pun of all time. Congratulations.

You spelled ‘best’ wrong.

avengass:

avengass:

what did the cannibal who came late to the dinner party get

the cold shoulder 

loganhasseenthelight:

backdolphintaco:

I would love to see a Doctor Who episode with Matt Smith and David Tennant in it but that would be a pair-a-docs.

this is literally the best doctor who joke i’ve ever seen

duelpersonality:

horrordolls:

Because that shit looks precious.

‘I cannot understand the fiery letters,’ he said.

‘No, but I can,’ Gandalf answered. ‘The letters are Asslish, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Sphinctor, which I shall not utter here. But in the common tongue this is what it says:’

“One butt to shake it all, one butt to grind them.

One butt to drop down low and to the dance floor bind them.”

disparateyouth:

girl you are being endoplasmic ridiculous

(Source: njena)